Food For Thought*

The modern hunter-gatherer
Is something of a mitherer¹…
Stalking round the supermarket,
Lugging their trolley rather than park it
Lest there’s something so obscure
On special offer- a bargain for sure
Irrespective of whether the thing
Is actually worth the bother of queueing ;
Taking the ticket with Lottery hope,
Trying with all your might to cope
With the irritating customer
Standing just too close,
Trolley edging forward
As though driven by a ghost…
Not so much an, ‘Oh, I’m sorry!’
More like losing control of a lorry
While simultaneously failing to care
Somebody’s actually standing there.
Patience is a virtue prized, I’m sure, by most
Except perhaps shoppers who live by the coast,
Keen are they are to gather their goods
Dissolving into the neighbourhood
Safe in the knowledge they’ll not be caught
Doing as they shouldn’t ought
Just because they’re in a lather…
Christmas Eve: an unplanned palaver,
Thinking naively that other would choose
To do all their shopping- especially for booze-
Well in advance of last minute congestion
But clearly for some, that was out of the question
Hence the frenzied final assault
Which, to be fair, is nobody’s fault,
Just somehow, inevitably, stuff’s been forgotten
With everyone panicking something rotten…
Family traditions honed over years
Now suddenly threatening to disappear
Just for the want of Quality Street
Or whatever else we *always* eat,
Dates, figs, nuts and Turkish delight
(Too many choices, so avoiding the fights!)
Folks hunter-gathering with underplayed gusto
So Christmas for all will be Just So.
Dads and uncles donning their pinnies,
Peeling the veg and cracking a tinny;
Ladies favouring a sherry or three
Just to make sure everything’s running smoothly.
Children meanwhile, gobbling chocolate,
Wonder why everything’s running so late,
While from their impatient vantage positions
Unknowingly absorbing their future traditions…

 

¹-Mithering… a ‘northern’ word for fussing about…acquired from time spent in Leeds!     https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/mither

And a  little something on Christmas traditions…
http://www.whychristmas.com/cultures/uk.shtml

 

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