What happens when the elastic snaps
And big pants fall in a retail collapse?
Thousands of workers in tens of stores
Finding they have a job no more
While the man with the money
Has the gall to retreat
Vainly omitting to conceal his greed
And while Switzerland beckons
With tax-reduced glamour
Allowing such bastards to avoid the clamour.
Tell me; Sir, how do you sleep at night?
Have you any compunction to put things right?
Do you wake in the small hours crowing with glee
And check your on-line statements to gloat on your money?
In a moment of boredom, do you role-play common life
Dressing up from chain stores to tantalise the wife…?
Do you really ever contemplate the damage that you do
All in the name of fortune, such obscene amounts accrued?
The thing is, Sir, I wonder, how happy are you really?
Does viewing the world through such infinite wealth
Help you see life more clearly?
Do your armpits get sweaty when you’re waiting for a call?
When you witness unscrupulous dealings
Do you ever feel appalled?
Do you have any hobbies to while away the hours?
Would you ever buy your lady a bunch of chain-store flowers?
Do you worry for the welfare of those under-foot
Or do you simply cleave to your mighty piles of loot?
Do you worry that your loved ones,
Have doubts about your ways,
Or wonder how you’ll fill
Your inevitable retirement days…?
Will you contemplate your navel
For want of occupation,
Having need of nothing
With such excessive remuneration?
Will your wife still adore you
When you don’t go out to work?
Will you pitch in with the chores
Or just sit back and shirk?
And what then of your epitaph,
A phrase to encapsulate
A Man So Distinguished,
His Retail Empire Once So Great?
With women the whole world over
Still snapping their elastic
Remembering your achievement
As Captain Pants Fantastic…
*WRT to Sir Philip Green and the BHS debacle…