Blurred Lines*

Never trust a man with a full face beard.**
You can’t tell what he’s hiding-
A raft of fuzz from ear to ear
Can be a little misguiding.
The growth that tumbles down his chin
May really start to draw you in
A mildly curious fascination
That evokes a simple question:
If all that stuff can propagate,
Where has this face been of late…?
Clinging like a woolly sloth
This uber-manly facial growth
Attracts assorted physical matter
The stuff that would illusions shatter
From toast crumbs to cornflakes to toothpaste
To other forms of environmental waste
That in the matted fibres gather
In the absence of a lather…
Never let it be forgot
That your true love may cop the lot
So gentlemen, be mindful please
Of what the general public sees
Treat your chin-pet with respect
Attend with diligence to all aspects
Of the grooming and the care
We hope you would apply elsewhere…

 

 

*Not to be confused with the unrepentantly controversial tune of the same name by Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams.

**The opening line is a response in part to a recent news report showing a wanted man/would-be terrorist as shaven and unshaven, tapping into my own  combined fascination and mistrust in the easy disguise a beard can provide…

-Cultural assimilation http://www.jpost.com/Middle-East/ISIS-Threat/ISIS-tells-British-wannabe-terrorists-Shave-off-beards-and-wear-crosses-441134

-Current ‘trends’… http://www.cheatsheet.com/gear-style/4-new-beard-trends-to-try-in-2016.html/?a=viewall

-2016 Oscars http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/well-groomed-beards-at-2016-854297

-Best beard in America (!) http://wtop.com/alexandria/2016/01/an-alexandria-man-has-the-best-beard-in-america/

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